Ham & Cheese Breakfast Sandwich [288 calories]

Ingredients:

  • 1 oz Finlandia imported Swiss Cheese – 108 calories
  • 2 oz thin-sliced deli ham – 60 calories
  • 1 everything bagel thin – 110 calories
  • 2 tsp Grey Poupon dijon mustard – 10 calories

Tools:

  1. A kitchen scale is REALLY useful here, but if you don’t have one, 1oz of cheese is about 2 thin-cut deli slices, or .75 thicker cut slice. 2oz of ham is about 3 or 4 thin slices. Use the photos below as a gauge.
  2. Cookie sheet and aluminum foil for bakin’ – you can get away with just foil if you need to. This will protect your oven from messes and burnt up bits of bagel crumbs or cheese.
  3. Measuring spoon

Directions:

  1. Preheat broiler
  2. Open bagel thin and spread mustard evenly on both sides
  3. Layer half of the cheese on one side, half on the other
  4. Crumple ham on top of the cheese, and sandwich
  5. Place on cookie sheet in over for 1-2 minutes, or until cheese is melted.
sandwich

Lunchbots, assemble! … No? Fine.

sandwich_2_mustard

“Spread your mustard,” sounds really dirty.

 

Cheese layer

Cheese layer

This is literally a tutorial on how to make a sandwich. I'm not sure who should be more embarrassed about that, you or me.

This is literally a tutorial on how to make a sandwich. I’m not sure who should be more embarrassed about that, you or me.

Isn't that nice?

Isn’t that nice?

Don't be a jackass like me and let the top burn. Fuck it, it's edible.

Don’t be a jackass like me and let the top burn. Fuck it, it’s edible.

What’s all this about?

Have you ever stressed about how to get - and keep - your bathroom clean without spending hours scrubbing each week? Does the phrase "meal planning" make you fall into the fetal position while clutching a takeout menu? Do you think Pinterest is made up of insane sadistic people who have too much time and craft glue? Do you want to learn how to cook, but don't know where to start? Are you trying to lose weight, but find "guilt free brownies" a disgusting and sad waste of perfectly good chocolate?

I've spent years of my life, years figuring this shit out, and in an effort to earn fame and fabulous fortune, I'm giving you lots of tips and ideas and funny commentary out of the kindness and goodness of my heart. So y'all fucking come back now, hear?

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